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Monday, October 3, 2016

My Real (fake) Resume

Hey, friends! Long time, no talk. We'll get to that in another post, though.

There are a ton of skills I have that I'm proud of, but can't go on my resume. I always think of what it would look like if I was 100% honest. So, I decided to make a completely fake resume of my most important skills.


DISCLAIMER: While some of what you'll see is truthful ,this is NOT my real resume. This is 100% satire and is not to be taken seriously. If you would like a peep at my real resume please contact me directly.


Hello
I’m Kaitlyn Shepard
FORT CARSON
COLORADO SPRINGS, CO
(123) 456-7890

Skills

I possess many impressive skills including eating a crunchwrap supreme while driving, choreographing car dance routines, and tracking down manly useless information on the Internet.

Experience

FEBRUARY 2016 - PRESENT

The Shepard Household, Fort Carson, CO - Wife/House Manager

  • Clean the kitchen at least four times a day
  • Plan and execute cleaning schedule
  • Provide care to #ivythepup

JANUARY 2015 - SEPTEMBER 2015

Detroit Tigers, Lakeland, FL - Group Sales Intern

  • Fell in love with working in baseball
  • Pulled tarp at least 80 times

AUGUST 2013 - DECEMBER 2014

Florida Southern College, Lakeland, FL - Lifeguard at Campus Recreation

  • Admired the swim team
  • Lived life in a bathing suit
  • Swam my life away

Education

AUGUST  2013 - DECEMBER 2014

Florida Southern College, Lakeland, FL - Bachelor of Science in Business Administration

I really enjoyed my time at FSC. I really perfected my social skills and grew as a person. Activities included: Kappa Delta Sorority, Buck Stop Model, and the Queen of Kau Kau Koner.

Awards


Fitbit Top Badges: High Tops(20,00 steps in a day), New Zealand (990 lifetime miles), Skyscraper (100 floors in a day), and 747 (4,000 lifetime floors).

Please remember that this is all in good fun. My real resume is something I've spent quite some time on. You wouldn't find about 90% of this on there. Anyway, hope this provides you with a laugh (or two).
Until next time,
K.Shep

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